Sadness is inevitable

Lately I have been feeling uncontrollably sad.  Typically I am pretty good at manipulating my more negative emotions into positive ones, but lately I feel like a lot of the aspects affecting my mood are beyond my control.  No one is fully capable of controlling the world around us, which sometimes leads to us being unable to control ourselves and the inner workings of our own structure.  Although we may try we are not meant to be in control.  We are meant to experience, to adapt, to feel.

Recently I have been having a lot of "aftershocks", an experience where painful memories, come and gone, emerge from your subconscious and leave you trembling.  They come with no rhyme or reason, when you least expect it, only to leave you clinching your heart in hopes of sweet relief from the psychological pain.   I hate them, these aftershocks... they haunt me and remind me coldly that nothing remains buried forever within ourselves.


Having pets instead of children is a puzzling occurrence for some.  A lot of people do not quite understand the bound that forms between an animal and their people.  "How can you say they are like your babies?"  "You won't understand until you've had kids", are not uncommon statements to hear when you are a furbaby family.  It's simple, you love them... with everything you have to offer.  You are there, sometimes, from the very beginning.  Their first toy, their first clumsy stumble up the stairs or maybe onto a window ledge, their first joy to their first hurt, you are there with them, they are there with you.

Lately, my sweet Gage has been feeling less and less like himself.  Being a rottie he has always had issues with his joints and maneuvering them beneath his own mass, but this is different.   He has a hard time walking and getting around without assistance from us.  He stumbles, he falls, and my heart breaks.  The vet says his insides are good but his bones are so bad and all we can do is make him comfortable for what he has left with us.  That he has had a good long life for his breed.

He is going to be 11 years old this October and we have all been a family from the beginning.  Since CR and I's very first Christmas, two months after we met, there has been Gage.  He has been there through so many trails, tragedies, and losses and through them he has comforted me, loved me, and helped me move forward.  He has been my baby, my sweet boy, my protector for all these years.  I feel am being reminded that they are not with us forever and it terrifies me to think who will be there to console me when it's him I lose?




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14 comments:

  1. Girl.. I understand. My husband and I have 3 dogs who are our children. Also, last Saturday we had to say goodbye to our 12 year old Bloodhound.

    The love of a dog will stay with you forever. Dogs make us better people.

    Take Care,
    Mandy Jean
    www.mandyjeanchic.com

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    1. I am so sorry Mandy! My heart goes out to you and your hubby. xo

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  2. I am so sorry honey. My furbabies are definitely my first set of kiddos and while the love I have for them is different than for my skin kids, it's no less strong. My Old Bear (a grumpy old tabby) is going to be 13 this year. I've known him since he was just three days old. Over the past year his age as really begun to show and it kills me. My heart breaks every time I think about not having him in my life. I'm not sure if there is anything in the world to prepare us for the loss of a pet and the sadness we will feel, but they will always be part of you even after their time. And I like to think our furbabies will be waiting for us when our time comes too. Hugs.

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    1. Thank you Cerise! Warm wishes to your sweet family and you baby Bear! xo

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  3. This brought tears to my eyes! I have 2 mini doxies and they are my world.. I've lost a puppy before and it was so debilitating and heart breaking. The very thought of losing one of my babies one day haunts me, but I know it's going to have to happen at some point. Here's a link to something that might make you feel better: http://on.fb.me/XfU7uV <3

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    1. Oh that made me cry, but in a good way. It's so very true! Thanks for sharing Kristen. Sending wet nose kisses to your little ones! xo

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  4. I am so sorry to hear about Gage. He looks like an amazing dog and being a veterinary nurse I totally understand the human bond with animals. I wish him all health and love.

    Hang in there.

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  5. Pets have always been an important part of our family. That's just it, they are like a family member. It is so hard when you lose one, or you know you will soon. Our dog Pepper is getting really old (13!) and she has been slowing down a lot. It is going to be so sad when we lose her. My heart goes out to you Gage and CR.

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  6. I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time lately!
    I completely understand what you mean when you say Gage is your baby, my two dogs are my babies too, I love them unconditionally and couldn't imagine life without them.
    A few months ago our oldest dog Holly (now 14) was going downhill and I really thought we were going to lose her soon. Thankfully we found an awesome vet who's been working with us to get her on the right medication and she's turned a corner.
    I'm sorry to head about Gage. I so hope he starts feeling more himself again <3

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  7. I know how you feel. My weimaraner Riggs is going on 13 this year and he's really starting to show his age. He's been one of my best friends and it's going to break my heart when he's gone. Love to you.

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  8. Virtual Hugs, Jessa. <3

    I know this feeling well. :(

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  9. I’m sorry to hear about that, I love my pets’ a lot.

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  10. This is like a horror story, leave everything to god and trust him, there is hardly anything we could do, we are weak but God is strong :)

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  11. Depressing... if there is a will there is a way, just don't give up!

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xx Jessa

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