Isolation

It's often that I hear people talking about wishing they worked from home.  How finding jobs that allow you this freedom are hard to come by and the most desirable.  I have always thought this until recently. I love my jobs, I love what I do on a daily basis, but I get lonely.  I get tired of being by myself with my only auditory stimulation being that of the rhythmic tapping of my finger tips along the keyboard.  Sure I interact with people constantly, but it's not quite the same as that physical aspect of being among other human beings.


As the days, the weeks, and the months go by I feel more and more socially disabled.  Like my ability to interact with other peoples is becoming more and more crippled, strained, and to be quite frank, unnatural.  Like I needed any assistance being even more awkward!  But so it is, the thing I crave the most is the one thing I feel so incapable of participating in.  There are many a times I find myself thinking; "Come on!  Just say something!",  "Wow, are you just really going to stand there like a deer in headlights?", or "Oh no, you did not just say that!".  But so it is.  I stand there, like some ghostly illusion of a human being, craving to be involved, only to blurt out something reprehensible like "tee hee"!  How says that?!  Someone that writes one too many emails... that's who!

I don't believe we were designed to be solitary creatures.  Every ounce of our being yearns for some sort of connect with members of our like species.  Whether it be a romantic relationship, a friendly companionship, or a nurturing arrangement we need that connection to feel complete.  Without it we simply do not feel whole.  We begin to loss our connect to reality, itself, and the meaning of our own existence within it.

There are many days were I am left here, lost in my own empty monotonous thoughts, pondering life and it's meaning only to look up and realize my day is but gone.  It's not that I am sad or depressed just disconnected.  The best way I can explain it is to imagine you were to cover up all of the windows and doors to prevent any light from entering then live like that.  You begin to loss sight of life, reality, existence, and begin to feel like a day has no end nor a beginning.

I guess human interaction is like a vitamin.  A form of nutrients our bodies need to function properly in our day to day activities and without it our bodies shut down.  Sorry if this sounds sad or depressing.  I am not meaning to be either, although as I type it, does sound slightly pathetic!  It is more a personal evaluation of a situation most long for.  I guess it goes to show you there is not perfect job, no perfect life, no perfect world.  Everything that has light must have a shadow.  It is the balance of life I guess. Isolation is a funny thing.

Love & Lollies...





21 comments:

  1. There's a reason solitary confinement is a punishment in prison. We need to be around people, at least to a certain extent I think. I often feel like a "deer in headlights" after long days of studying and then talking to someone. Sometimes it's like my mouth forgets how to move!

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    1. Such a good point Michelle! I didn't even think of that! haha

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  2. Jessa, maybe try heading to a near by coffee shop to do your work...or your favorite spot for lunch a couple days a week to mix it up. I was in a similar boat as you and found that getting out of the house and simply being around others really helps!

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    1. I think that would help as well! As soon as CR gets his truck fixed I am all over this idea! xo

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  3. I've never really enjoyed working so when my husband moved us to a new state, I took the opportunity to play housewife. And don't get me wrong, I've enjoyed it but I definitely know what you mean about being solitary. Being in a new place and not knowing anyone kind of does a number on your social life. I'm not exaggerating when I say I swear the things that come out of my mouth are dumber somehow. I feel like an old person who needs to do crossword puzzles to stay active. Lumonosity just hasn't been cutting it. Needless to say, I start a new job Tuesday so hopefully that resolves some of my temporary lapse in social skills. It really is eerie how quickly being alone changes things!

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    1. Exactly! haha I hope you love the new job Sweets! Best of luck! xo

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  4. I totally agree with you and RosyRilli - and to be honest, this post is just what I needed! A confirmation that there is someone out there who feels the same way about working from home as I do... I wanted to work from home for SO long & now that I do (35 hours a week), I am lonelier than ever before. I also have been living 3 hours away from my friends & family, in a "new-to-me" area for 1.5 years and met no firends. Because I work from home, I never have an opportunity to meet new people. (I have a work desktop that I have to use, so it's not like I can transport that & work at a coffee shop.) Not to mention, I live in a town with a population of like, 46. So, there isn't coffee shops. Haha, I often feel defeated, like I am losing my social skills because I type more than I talk! If I was to meet a cool person here, I would probably be so awkward they wouldn't want to hang out with me again! Lol. So just know that you are not alone!! Xo
    {Em♥teatreevintage.blogspot.com}

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    1. Oh man that is rough Emily! I also live in the sticks, but I can drive the 20 minutes to a coffee shop. I at least have the option as my job is transportable! Do you Skype? I find that Skyping (when I can actually find someone available and not at work!) is a really great tool! It's at least a little more "physical" than the phone! =D I feel for you my Boondocks Buddy! xo

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  5. I've been "working from home" since my wreck back in June. It's really taken a toll of me because I do miss getting out and about with friends. I also live 5 hours away from my friends + family so it's hard to make new friends here anyways.

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    1. I didn't realize so many people were in similar emotional scenarios? I am here should you ever need a good chat Darling! xo

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  6. I certainly can relate to this, and it remains one of the reasons I feel so torn about work from home work... On the one hand, I love the freedom. I love being able to set my own hours. I love being able to rearrange my day on a whim to be able to deal with anything that might come up... but it's socially isolating. If I'm not careful, I become reclusive and antisocial and have a hard time engaging with people when I do go out... and I also drive my partner crazy because when he comes home from work, he's tired of dealing with people and I'm starved for human contact.

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    1. Yes! CR says I am like his third puppy, practically at the door jumping up and down saying "hi, hi, I missed you, play with me!" When all he wants to do is relax! haha

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  7. I'm in a job where I can work from home and quite often do, and sometimes I can be out doing home visits and realise it's been almost 3 days since I last visited the office! Even though during my visits I'm interacting with people, it's on a different level to how I interact with colleagues, and if I spent more than 2 days in a row working from home, I get cabin fever and end up calling people to have some human conversations! I think we have beck e so accustomed to emailing texting and tweeting we often forget to actually use the phone to make a call! I used to spend hours on the phone to my friends (with my mum shouting in the background about the bill!) now I just text them which is a shame really

    Jenni x

    Bows Bangles & Bakes

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  8. AAaawwww...well I'm always here to talk to, even when I'm busy and my interaction is erratic...I know how you feel. I felt like that when we lived in Vermont. Now that we live in Jersey, I feel like nothing ever slows down.

    Xo,
    Eeka

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  9. Hopefully you're feeling better about this now, but I'm glad you shared your feelings! Personal posts like this give this are so nice to read and relate to sometimes. :)

    <3 Megan
    http://kiddotv.blogspot.com

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  10. Oh I can totally relate to your isolation post. I live in a very small town in northern canada. There is snow everywhere and there are really no restaurants or things to do " on the town" I do have friends but they are often busy with their families and kids. My boyfriend works away a lot. And sometimes I find myself wandering around the house looking at each room and wondering when the next time I talk to a human being will be. I have a kitten, she is my savour.... I wouldn't make it without her.

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  11. The biggest problem I have with working solely from home is that I will work a 10 hour day without thinking twice about it. There's no separation between 'at work' and 'at home', so I tend to overwork myself and create an unhealthy situation. But I agree, as well, about needing regular human interaction!

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  12. This was something even I often thought about. I always wanted to do a job online or at home but it not exactly interesting as meeting people and doing something together. But still for an extent I enjoy doing part time jobs at home it has been my passion to do and enjoy them equally as working with others but still working with others is definitely soothing we all must do

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  13. Hang in there dude. There are times when anxiety can take over and strangle you. You can and will rise above.

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  14. ((big hugs)) I'm sorry you're feeling so anxious and lonely right now. Do you live very far from friends and family? After a few hours of not speaking to anyone I start to feel totally isolated and feel like I forget how to talk properly, so I can't imagine what a long time of no one to see must feel like.

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♥ Thanks for commenting! I truly appreciate each comment I receive and nothing brightens my day more than reading your thoughts!

xx Jessa

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