Dress: Forever 21 // Jacket: Thrifted // Shoes: MIA // Hat: Vintage // Owl Necklace: Gifted
Last year I started a new tradition for myself. I decided I would pass on the whole "resolutions" charade and opt to make a commitment of breaking down a mental barrier that was holding me back in my life. Last year I decided my "word to life by" would be fearless. Whenever I would find myself feeling timid, or becoming self-doubtful, I would just close my eyes and think "Is this the scared little girl you want to be?, "Don't you want this for yourself?", "Then get over it and step up!". Through these small peep talks I was able to reach for many things I would have normally been too insecure to grasp. I won't lie, there were times when I was unsuccessful in my endeavors, but that only seemed to make it easier to be fearless.
Why is it that we become so self critical that the fear of rejection becomes an array of haunting nightmares? Do these imagined scenarios become so twisted, within our own minds, that we would rather risk not ever experiencing something over the possibility of suffering through our own failure? Over the past year I have experienced some of these situations first hand. Over time, I was able to reassure myself that rejection was just a part of life and not some hideous monster lurking under my bed waiting to devour my dreams with a cup of ice cold milk. With each denial I would contemplate the situation and then come up with ways to better increase my odds for success in the future. Through these past months, I took an emotional blockade and slowly nicked away at it until I found the action becoming a normal behavior.
I spent a lot more time deciding what "my word to live by" would be for 2013. After a long debate I finally decided on open. At first I thought honest, but that is not quite right. I don't feel that I am not honest here, but instead, reserved. I do not quite know the best way of explaining it, but I am sure most of you will understand. I feel as though I have been hiding a lot of life's struggles and deeper emotions from all of you. It's not due to lack of honesty, but because I do not want to bring anyone down with my troubles or unfavorable emotions. I have wanted to keep this space a happy one where you all can come and not dwell on the hardships of life. Escapism much? haha It isn't necessarily a bad thing, but at the same time (looking back at the year) I realized how little you may know me, even though, some of you have been following my story for almost a year and a half! So I decided I would be more open, more natural, and include more insight within my writing. As much as I want you all to feel warm and fuzzy when you visit, I also want you to feel as sense of understanding of who I am. It amazes me that this simple "word to live by" concept really did change me over the last year and I am excited for a new adventure in 2013! Have you tried setting a "word to live by"? What would your word of 2013 be?