So here we are, already five days into the new year and I find myself longing for change. Maybe it's just me, but I can't help reviewing the year (gone by too quickly) while looking ahead for what is in store. In a sense, I believe the ending of the year prior, is harder on me than the prospect of entering a new one. It seems that with each new year comes a new mental struggle of what my purpose is. I love my simple little life, but at the same time wonder if I am suppose to be doing more? It just all feels so easy, which seems to make me feel uneasy, like I am just coasting down the river when most are vigorously paddling past me upstream. The oddest part is feeling like I should be struggling, I should be breaking my back to get ahead, and that I should be chasing that "America Dream" right along with them.
I gave up on the new age "American Dream" years ago. The conquest of all things material, the battles of the best, and the desire for the most flashy possessions has been something that has lost it's shine in my eyes. I spent the first years of my adult life this way. Working hours upon hours a day in an effort to hoard more and more of what society considers the luxuries of life. I plowed through life this way for years until the day I woke up, looked around, and was disgusted by it all. Most of those "things" are long gone now. I gave up all my credit cards and purged myself of many of those things that started feeling like weights bound to my ankles. I wasted five years of my life this way...
It was a powerful lesson for me and I vowed to live a life more humble. So why do I feel as though I am cheating the system? Now, all these years later, I feel as though I taking the backroads while everyone is speeding down the freeway. I feel disconnected and unsteady. What I wonder is if this more "old fashioned" way of thinking is just so far run to extinction that I have become the minority? Has this "American Dream" chasing become such a plague on our society that we feel it is the only way of life? Has the real emotional struggle of our time become fighting the urge to conform to a life that's only measure of value, for an individual, is how much financial success they can achieve in their short time here?
I feel like when we are gone and buried these "things" will be irrelevant and nonexistent, so why the need? Why must I grow tired and weary chancing something I will never truly hold? These are the situations I question in this new year. It starting to seem that with each new year the push of this social demand becomes more overbearing, harder to resist, and all the more lonely when you do. I believe 2013 will be a year of strength for me. Holding my ground and standing strong to cherish this simple existence I love. When did living a simple life without temptation become such a hard thing to do?